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Nuisance Bs Removed From Orange Grove (Motor Town)

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 In an act of extreme bravery and lack of self-preservation, a local off-duty police officer and news reporter saved an orange farm from nuisance Bs. It seems the Bs had been present for three weeks, and although they did not sting or eat the crops, they would get in the way and taunt workers.   The Hero of the Grove "They'd just bounce up and down yellin' out words that started with B. Bob, ball, bamboozle, brazzers, bawitdaba, all kinds of weird shit," claimed an exasperated yet relieved Johnny_Wad, who doesn't work there or anything, he just likes oranges. Like, a lot.   But after our intrepid reporter and absolutely dedicated officer of the law who patrols every day and hopes to make it to PO2 some day soon arrived on the scene with his Black Alpaca (owned by Farg Igorg) custom Hana, the Bs were quickly wrangled and placed humanely, neatly, and with a decent view for each in the Hana's bed.   The Author - I'm Just Sayin' After basking in the glow o...
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MMPD Goes GQ (Motor Town)

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 A special parade of power was held this weekend. Starting at Jeju Docks and continuing until they reached the Ara PD Station, the promenade of oppression-themed brutalism in vehicular form struck awe in onlookers.    "What in the butt-sniffin' hell?" asked Shemp Scarmpledarmp of Jeju City. "This is where our tax dollars go? A new wardrobe for the Doughnut Datsun fleet?"    It seemed that the general public did not realize the project of designing and applying the new liveries was privately funded through donations and sales of seized drugs.   Although multiple police officers, DOT members,  and well-wishers helped usher the fresh paddy wagons to their destination, three officers in particular were both brains and brawn behind the design and application:   Chief of Police Chris Lieutenant Milez Police Officer 2 ADHD.exe     MMN would like to thank the officers for taking multiple hours of their free time to gussy up the protectors of our...
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I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream... (Motor Town)

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 ...because paranoia is contagious. But now that it's passed, how about some ice cream? ThickMommy, or TM, is rolling out her brand new "Think Pink or You Stink" ice cream in Jeju, just in time for the end of summer! TPoYS has both soft-serve and...hard-serve? I don't know. It's popsicles. They have popsicles. Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry are your soft-serve flavors, and the popsicles come in every flavor known to man, except "cigarette ash" and "colon"! Seriously, about the popsicles. You like fruit? TM's got fruit from all over. She's got fruit from freaking Narnia. Fond of the tang of antifreeze? Gotcha covered. You like dirt? Grab a Footsicle™ and drop it on the floor a few times! Maybe you're a little concerned that the weather is going to get cooler. If so, grab a Bhut Jolokia Currysicle for some heat with your ice! Keep your eyes out for TPoYS, coming soon!  And don't forget to ask for the Big Worm Special!
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MMPD Police Blotter 01 September - 17 September (Motor Town)

 - Multiple new arrivals to Jeju Island placed emergency calls to report a "demonic-looking individual" appearing around the island, usually later at night. Upon investigation, it turns out that was just Gab. Gab's a little special. - A graffiti "S", mentioned previously by MMN, sparked a heated debate between officers Kitty and Llama. The former was adamant that the "S" originated with clothing company Stussy, while the latter officer argued that  Stussy had no part in creating the "Cool S".  Officer NeViL, sensing that tempers could explode, defused the situation with a box of Krappy Kream donuts. - A man accused of counterfeiting millions of coins was relocated from the Islands. Apparently not understanding the consequences of his actions, the man went on an hours-long tirade after being denied jobs with MMPD and MMDOT (after admitting to counterfeiting). We do not currently have a name, but Police Captain Tac was heard muttering "Wha...
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Everybody Wanna Be EMS... (Motor Town)

 ...until it's time to do EMS shit. As mentioned by TM in a previous release, a horde (zug zug) of new vehicles has arrived on the islands, and among them is the new Brutus Ambulance. Once hospitals and Emergency Centers were stocked with the state-of-the-art ambulances, dealerships opened the sale to the public. Why, we're not certain, but it's probably for profits. MMPD is urging all new owners to drive responsibly, as at any given time, multiple Bruti can be seen and heard. "It's not a game, dummies," said Officer Revvy. "We got too many civilians out here with sirens and lights going crazy, and we can't differentiate between real emergency vehicles and the 'wee-woo I'm an ambulance' crowd. And those blue lights - if you're caught using those, and aren't on an emergency call, I'll put something on you Mr. Clean can't take off." Mayor Tac and MPD/EMS are working on a Plan of Operation (PoO) for ambulance use; more to...
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The Great Tator Date & Mate (Motor Town)

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 Good day Islanders, we've got something so special, it only happens once every five years! As anyone who has been living on the islands for more than a week knows, the Golima Rotator is the largest land animal on the islands.* And with the declining driver skill locally, it's probably the hardest-working! So when do these behemoths have time for a little hanky-panky? Right now! 2020 was bullshit, man It's been a full five years since the last mating season, having taken place in September 2020. With the world in the grips of the COVID-19 pandemic, Rotators were  both confused and "not in the mood", potentially spelling disaster. But this year, "buck-wild" doesn't quite do it justice.   Usually, Rotators mosey in over the course of a week or so, mingling about, getting a feel for who they would like to procreate with. But as it's been ten years since any of the giants got some action, there was no small talk, only Tator fornication.   Folks, to a...
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MMN Quick Bulletin /// 15 September 25 /// Motor Town

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 Thank You From the Church     Father Farg of the International Church of Bacon would like to thank parishioners for their attendance this past Sunday morning. It was, of course, a virtual service; it's a lot easier to make it to Motor Maven Mass in your undies.  As per usual, and per guidelines, no religious or politicious* discussions were held. Instead, the prevailing theme was the lack of a good beer on the islands, and how one fellow and his buddies were going to do something about it. More on that later.   Special thanks to Rey of MM DOT for securing locations. * I made it up, and I like it. May I continue to use it please?
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