Storm Nears, No Fears; Typhoon's Clear, Islands Cheer (Motor Town)

I got an office. It's cozy.

 

 

 

 

 

In a stunning display of petty vengeance, Mother Nature (real name Karen McSnooty), unleashed the storm of the century on Jeju and Oji Islands on the second of September. As power returned rather quickly, reports from the area made their way to MMN. What follows is a piece-by-piece timeline of events with commentary following.

 

ThickMommy, Correspondent, Seongsan 

 There have been no updates out of the island nation since early this morning when the storm hit. Thankfully I can report that many brave individuals made the perilous journey up the mountain late last night in order to supply the villagers of Gwangjin and any incoming refugees with food, water, oil, and even toys for the children. The storm hit sometime this morning around 6 AM. No one has been able to make it to either island to check for damage but we remain hopeful that although the power and internet connections are down, people who chose to wait out the storm on the islands remain safe and are waiting for responders to arrive. We will keep you updated as the story develops. Thank you for tuning into Motor Maven Network News for this special broadcast. 

 

  Of note is the supply caravan to Gwangjin. It is being reported that some of the drivers were jokingly saying "Looks like we're getting ready for a storm!" Speculation immediately centered around Karen, as she is a spiteful bitch. 

The "offending" caravan

 

 Rocker, Storm Chaser   

This is an important broadcast from the Storm & Tornado Organisation for Reports on Meteorology (S.T.O.R.M). Hello, I am Chaser Rocker from S.T.O.R.M’s storm chasing division. Following the severe weather event on the morning of September 2nd, contact with the island nation has remained unsuccessful. We however wish to reassure residents, friends, family, and assorted loved ones that we remain hopeful for those who remain isolated. S.T.O.R.M members from our Jeju, Gapa & Gangjung divisions will have enacted emergency plans to help ensure people stay safe and to ensure shelter is provided to those who need it. As part of the Disaster & Emergency Response Plan (D.E.R.P) local hospitals, schools, & government buildings will also be made available for residents to seek shelter and assistance. While we have no further news on the nature of this abnormal and severe weather event and the developing emergency situation surrounding it at this time. Please be assured all efforts are being made to regain contact with the islands and our teams. Your trusted mayor Tac, an assortment of the nations talented first response and DOT personnel as well as myself are on standby to head in and assist wherever needed and possible once it is safe to do so. For future updates about this evolving situation watch this space. Thank you. 

 

 Despite the destructive nature of the storm, emergency personnel showed massive testicular and ovarian fortitude, assisting in the hardest of downpours, the strongest of winds, and the zappiest of lightning strikes. BrianJ450, and officer with MMPD, was heard shouting "I cast lightning bolt" repeatedly.Mayor Tac's Training Program for Emergency Personnel, or MTTPFEP (don't try pronouncing that) was well thought out, and it showed in abundance. 

 

 Officer Milez, MMPD Spokesperson   

Emergency Traffic Update brought to you by PD, DOT, STORM, MMN, & Namwon Bus Dealership - The Best Buses for the Biggest Butts™ **Bridges and the airports remained closed due to high winds and dangerous weather conditions, and the restriction on traffic in and out of the Jeju Islands shall remain in place indefinitely. If you have evacuated, return home immediately after officials say it is safe to do so. When you do return be extremely cautious of hazards such as: Downed trees and power lines Flooded areas Flying beds and other debris A sudden increase in vehicle-related tomfoolery. Please be mindful and compassionate while evacuees make their way back to our beautiful island, and our pre-staged first responders move in to provide disaster relief. Thank you for your understanding during these trying times. Now stay tuned for another message from our partners!

 

  One revision to the official statement - there were not, in fact, flying beds. Resident surveys and calls to both Ae-Wol and Gangjung Furniture stores revealed all sleeping apparatus was intact. It is believed that Milez was referring to "The Sleepover", a modern art piece at the home of Ella in Gu-Jwa. "Yeah, they've been there for weeks," explained Ella. "I sure didn't put them there; they're heavy and my hands are fucky. Go Bills!" 

The Sleepover

 

 ThickMommy, transcribed for print 

 BREAKING NEWS We interrupt your regularity scheduled program for the following update: stares blankly into the camera for 5 seconds this is TM with an exciting update on the big storm. I am currently standing on the docks at Jeju Harbor; the first set of responders have made landfall and local power has been partially restored. The MMNN team is happy to relay there have been no reports of any casualties and all injuries appear to be minor. puts hand to ear and stares into the distance Our team assures me that the evacuees were able to build temporary shelters atop the mountain with the wood and pipes delivered by Mondays heroic convoy and hope to be able to return home soon. DOT and PD teams have asked all residents and first responders to wait for instructions before returning to the island as they assess damages to roads, power lines, and buildings. No word yet on whether local landmarks such as The Sleepover and The Litter Box were damaged in the storm. This community’s quick actions both the night before the storm and during the recovery will be remembered as a shining example for future weather emergencies. For now, we will look to each other to rebuild even stronger than before. Thank you for tuning into this special broadcast, now back to our regular programming 

 

This confirmed "The Sleepover" as a man-made act of whatever it is supposed to be, and not a douchey inconvenience at the hands of Mother Karen the Kind of Terrible But Mostly Annoying. ThickMommy's reports of minimal injuries proved true, as only two casualties were reported by Jeju Hospital spokesperson Bubba. Talia, who scraped her arm while at an outdoor rave by herself, and Kitty, of Jeju City, who took a stray cat statue to the bum. He required three sutures. 

Now that power is fully restored and the islands cleaned up, we at MMN are pleased to announce that the only monetary damages suffered were 13 Scooties. The lightweight "vehicles" were blown from Gangjung Car Dealership, across the street to the Supermarket parking lot. As nobody really cared, Cubbington "Cubby" Cubson III, Esq. loaded them all into his Compacty with evident fervor. A special thank-you to all correspondents, officers, emergency personnel, and most especially the citizens of the islands. We made it through thanks to everyone.